onceuponacomm | AFTERPARTY III: Never Have I Ever Been Quite This Drunk

AFTERPARTY III: Never Have I Ever Been Quite This Drunk

[There's absolutely nothing celebratory about this drinking party. "Party" isn't even the right word, not really-- it's more like a "drink until you forget and/or black out" session for anyone who wants to participate, and even the bartender isn't immune from that much. Please forgive him if your drink isn't mixed quite right; he's trying his best under the circumstances.

There's food, too, if anyone wants to attempt to stave off a hangover tomorrow, or just get something in their stomach after the events of the day: stirfry from Makoto, vegetable soup from Nageki (mediocre, but hey, a genuine effort was made and that's what counts), and some tea for those who would rather abstain from the harder stuff. (Is that even many people tonight? Probably not.)

Come on by the bar if you're hungry or want a drink, or even if you just don't want to be alone right now. That much, at least, is something that can be guaranteed tonight.]

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Oh, where are my manners. Do you... want me to help you onto the chair? You seem to be wobbling into tables a bit...

[Stirs her non-alcoholic drink.]

I am...

[He tries to right his position, and the momentum is so strong that he ends up falling unto his rear.]

...assistance vould be appreciated.

Your theory sounds aggur-accurate, as vell as you azzes-assesment. I dizz-dissmissed her as a ditz and nosing more. Now I fear-feel more humiliated zan ever before.

[A genius parrot tricked by a woman like that. He almost would've preferred getting shot.]

At zish-zis point, all ve can to-do is prevent it from happening aken-again.

[She gently picks him up and puts him on the chair beside her.]

We can hope to. I suppose the most we can do is make sure we don't unerestimate others. It's happened a few times now. We underestimated Zola and regretted it, underestimated Yor and regretted it.

At least I can have faith that you and I are at the very least viable clear suspects for being able to stomach comitting a murder. So, that's a silver lining, I suppose.

[She takes a sip and then looks back down at Pericles.]

We've all made mistakes. And you saved Moriarty's life. Focus on that, my friend.

[He doesn't respond verbally to being picked up and placed on the chair, only nodding.]

It seems to be a pattern, unforchun-unfortunately. For myself anyvay. I utter-underestimated teenagers and zey stole from me. I underestimated Forger and she esgayed-escaped execution. I...

Actually, I zink-sink I overestimated Frau Zola. She vas still a dancher-dangerous person ve shoult have seen sew-srough, but I had sought-thought she had tried to cover her crime differently. Instead she jos-chose to fight on a roof, vhere she coult have easly-easily fallen and broke somesing.

[The fact that she didn't is miraculous, as far as he's concerned.]

Agreet aken-again. Willink-willingness to kill does not translate to acshual-actually being able to kill.

[Just like how capability doesn't translate to willingness.]

I have. I suppote-suppose zat is reason to celebraid-celebrate. I still plan to him an apoloc-apology for nearly joining zose who voted for him.

I never thought I'd start a sentence like this but. In Zola's defence, that indicates a confidence in her skills. She nearly killed Junko with nothing but her hairpins. Elaborate plans leave a lot of room for mistakes, I find. Sometimes it's as simple as luring someone somewhere and stabbing them. That's the actual key to making an unsolvable murder, I think, not leaving enough clues to go off of. Zola simply fumbled. Twice, really.

[Like a little girl sneaking out of her bedroom to go bury a guardsmen's axe in a foreign dignataries chest and leaving it there. Just as a fun hypothetical.]

It's a unique situation for a lot of us who are capable. Because it requires putting blind faith in Hamelin to actually grant those wishes, and requires us to risk dying and condemning our wishes to never come true. So far, one culprit has escaped us and she was murdered and exposed a week later. Funny how that works, mm?

[She takes a sip.]

Regardless, I think a lot of us owe Moriarty an apology.

Perhaps. Still, it vas an unneze-unnecessary risk. Like fighting vith a hand tight-tied behind one's back. Even if she vas succ-[HIC]-essful, it would not have taken mudge-much to make ze plan go afry-awry.

[One well timed kick or swing from an improvised climbing axe, and they would've had to send a teenager to death for defending herself.

But even his drunken state, that's a faux pa, or however its spelled. No one wants to think about teenagers dying.]

Kite-qvite true. I feel certain mosed-most of us do not trust Ze Piper, despite hish-his powers and claims. As I mensond-mentioned to Herr Suga, he is in pozz-poccession of a backpfeifengesicht-a face in neet of a fist. Add to zat the almosed-almost convenience zat Forger dite-died a week later, and it seems less and less likely zat any viches-vishes will come true.

[Though maybe that's alcohol induced paranoia speaking...]

May I azg-ask who you voted for, Frau von Hresvelg? Or voot-woult you prefer zat be private?

It's a convenient outcome, don't you think? He can make all these lofty promises and never has to act on any of them because we'll be dead. He's a truly pathetic creature.

[She sighs.]

Lucifer. I had no interest in voting for Moriarty. Killer or no, he'd be more useful to us than Lucifer would. Besides... we had no other candidates and all the evidence pointed to Moriarty but it didn't seem like his kind of crime. While "I'm too intellectual to have killed somebody this way!" [Her voice assumes an imitation of Moriarty's victorian british accent when she says this. It's very over the top and a little mocking before her expression reverts back to being dead serious.] isn't much of a defence, he wasn't wrong that he would have to be exceedingly stupid to lead us right up to him as a suspect. He'd have to do his best to investigate, sure, but still.

Hear hear!

[You ever see a bird give a drunken grin before, Edelgard? Well, now you have.]

Let us hope somefun-someone here is able to find a fay-vay to kill him sooner raser zan later.

A fair azz-assessment. I hat shush-suspected him sinking he hat pigged-picked up a sing or two from Herr Holmes wis ze poish-poison, zough I hadn't foted-voted, vanting to see if Herr Lucifer woult escibit-exhibit any suspicious behavior.

[And now they haven't condemned...okay, Moriarty likely isn't that innocent either, considering murder is apparently a skill of his, but they didn't condemn a man innocent of any murders here.]

Moriarty's supposed to be a villain in the original book isn't he? That's what I've read in the library. Still, I'm sure that when stories are made of my own life, there will be many that would place me in the role of villain as well. And from what little I've read of your... religious texts... Lucifer is a villain too, correct? The Nemesis to your own corrupt tyrant of a god.

[Sorry, Biblical God, it's nothing personal you just remind her of her ex-Goddess.]

I don't think it matters. If this is a story, Hamelin is the villain, and if it's a story, he'll get what's coming to him.

True, ant I you woult not be sea-ze only vones! I doubt I vill haff-have many friends or fans in Cridal-Crystal Cove, so many tales apout-about me have likely painded-painted me as ze villain.

Not zat zat madders-matters here, also true. Until Ze Pifer-Piper can be defeated, ve are all heroes here!

[A really weird thing to consider, but it's the truth.]

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AFTERPARTY III: Never Have I Ever Been Quite This Drunk

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