the final afterparty

[incompletely]

[

That sure happened, but everyone, by some miracle, made it out alive. No one else died, nothing blew up, no arson was committed, we're all still here. And being here, being present despite everything that just happened, is really important. This is for everyone, McGillis and Yuri included (and Jack, if he wants to party from the dungeon), because they all need it. Even with the new revelations, nobody should be left behind.

The party takes place in the bar again, and it probably looks a little...odd? Because there's all the alcohol in the back, and then...there's a bunch of donuts on one of the tables. Two whole baskets of donuts from the bakery, provided by Tenn. Next to the baskets is tea provided by Koto. Have at it, everyone. ]

Comments

[incompletely]

[ He watches Alexei do this for a moment, and then he nods. He won't force anyone to have refreshments if they're up for it, because his appetite isn't quite here either.

At the mention of sparring, though, Tenn looks uneasy. ]

...I'll need the extra help for whatever's coming for us next.

[ And no, he's not talking about Hamelin or the people working for him. ]

[ideismo]

Anytime you'd like, then. I'm generally always willing.

[He shrugs a bit.]

Raven and Yeager would both invite me to spar with them when they were having a rough time. I'm not good for helping with such things conversationally, but I can help work frustrations out physically.

[incompletely]

Okay. This week, then. I'll take you up on that.

[ It's been rough for all of them, and he's been wanting to learn from Alexei for some time, so he'll gladly join him for a sparring match. ]

Thank you, by the way, for talking Koto down a little. I know she was trying her best, but I'm glad you understood why I tried to talk Suga-san down, too.

[ideismo]

Of course. I'm not trying to say that Suga's life is worth less than anyone else's, but...there's a difference between gambling with your own life and gambling with others'. I'm aware that there's a hypocrisy in me expressing such things, but that doesn't make it any less true.

[incompletely]

That's what I thought, too. Even if he was right about Jack-san and McGillis-san, it didn't mean they deserved to be voted just because of something like that.

[ ... ]

I think it's important to understand why they're helping Hamelin. I don't think that's inherently a bad thing anymore; I just want to know their motivations. There's more to the story than we realize.

[ideismo]

McGillis' wish is very similar to my own. We've certainly discussed that enough.

[He's spent a good amount of time talking to McGillis, honestly.]

Wishes like that tend to bring with them a lack of care who you harm in the meantime. Why should he bother with thirty people he doesn't know, when he can bring about the reform he seeks for his world?

[incompletely]

[ Hmm. He nods, at that. Of course Tenn doesn't understand that, but that much is very obvious and he's not here to get into a debate about ethics!! So he just. Accepts that for what it is. ]

That explains why you weren't surprised. Do you plan on talking to him about this later?

[ideismo]

...I plan on talking to him. I don't know if it will be about this; I imagine all of you have enough questions for him.

[...]

It's fine if you don't understand, you know. Why we are the way we are. I can't answer for him, and I don't know if I would want to even if I could. But if you ever have anything to ask me, you can.

[incompletely]

I do, but he should probably take the night to recuperate. I don't know if I'm the right person to talk to him about anything, anyway.

[ They are just. Vastly different people. ]

...I'll probably think of some questions as we converse. And even if I don't think I'll agree with this way of thinking, I'll listen to what you have to say. It's the least we can all do for each other, at this point.

[ ...Listening, that is. ]

[ideismo]

I don't expect to be able to change his mind on anything, and I think that it would be a waste of time to try. Listening and understanding is the most that can be done at this point; if he changes his mind for whatever reason, it will be on his own terms.

[He pauses for a moment, fussing with something under one of his gloves in a distracted, idle sort of way before he seems to realize and sets his hands back down.]

As it is, I neither hate nor resent him; I don't hate or resent most people.

[incompletely]

That's fine, and that's how it should be, I think. Good luck, when you do speak with him.

[ Will Alexei need it? Ehhh, maybe not. But Tenn sees him fiddling with something, and he tilts his head a little. ]

Is everything alright?

[ideismo]

I believe so. I'm not likely to stay here for very long, though I don't know where I'll go after this.

[He hasn't been feeling very much like being among people, these past few times.]

I've never been one for socializing, bluntly put.

[incompletely]

Well, I'm glad you decided to show up anyway.

[ He hums a little. ]

That doesn't surprise me, but I'm available as always, if you need to speak about anything in particular. Today was a lot to take in.

[ideismo]

It was, though I believe the offer to be more appropriate when extended to you. How are you, after everything?

[incompletely]

[ ... ]

Do you want to know how I feel after today? Or after this experience as a whole?

[ideismo]

Answer for both.

[incompletely]

After today...I won't lie. I'm pretty exhausted. That's the simplest way to put it, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way.

[ However. ]

Overall, though... A lot's happened. I got to fix things with Riku, I learned how to set aside my pride in the interest of learning and understanding different people. Grief isn't something I was as acquainted with like other people are, so because of that, I also had to come to terms with the fact that there was something monstrous within me.

[ See: C-ta and Riku's case. All the trials, really, but that stands out to him especially. ]

But when I go home, [ Not if. When. ] there's a lot I want to do. There's a lot I want to fix. And as long as I can take what I've learned here and keep on helping other people as best as I can, then I'll look back on all of this with some level of pride. Not for the bloodshed or the mistakes I've made, but for the people I've gotten to meet along the way.

Really. I wouldn't have lasted this long were it not for the people here. Yourself included, Alexei-san.

[ideismo]

[...What the hell does he do with that.]

I'm glad that I could help you in some way. And...I agree, in some ways - that I likely wouldn't be here now, were it not for those of you here.

[He's fussing with his gloves again, a little, at that.]

I'm not a good person. I'm one of the first to admit that, and I've always been willing to take responsibility for what I've done back in Terca Lumireis. But I've meant what I said, with regards to wanting to save people. That's always been first and foremost in my mind, despite everything.

[incompletely]

[ Take that, Alexei!! Tenn got to be nice to Yeager, he'll menace you in the same way!!! ]

That's okay. I don't think this is about being a good or a bad person anymore, for what it's worth. I can't look at myself in the mirror and say that I'm the person I want to be anymore, so I do understand to some extent.

[ He smiles again. ]

But we've been through a lot. And as much as Jack-san wants to tell us that we never actually wanted to look out for one another, I don't believe that. Trials, sure, but outside of that, I think a lot of us did what we could with the time we spent together here.

[ideismo]

[...Tenn, there's a difference between "school idol has trauma-induced crisis of faith" and "jrpg villain intends to murder just like so many people you have no fucking idea", but. He'll let that go for now.]

I still didn't vote. I'm sure McGillis is annoyed with me for it, but I'm not willing to compromise on that.

[incompletely]

[ i laughed out loud holy fuck ]

...That's your decision, and if he's annoyed, then that's on him. I just hope we won't have to go through another one of these trials again.

[ideismo]

If we do then so be it. We'll continue until no one is willing to kill; that's the most we can do at this point.

[incompletely]

Yeah, pretty much. I can't wait until they're over.

[ because. jesus. they are all SO TIRED. ]

[ideismo]

I don't think we have any left in us at this rate.

[incompletely]

After today? Definitely not.

[ they're all dead on the inside ]