[That gets a soft noise out of him, more acknowledging than anything.]
As Commandant of the Imperial Knights, I'm accountable for all of those who have died under my command. It's always considered my fault - whether because of something I did, or something I failed to do. The blood on my hands is immeasurable, by that metric.
I also don't get to mourn those who have died, because I can't afford it. If I remain so mired in events that I can no longer do anything about, it opens the possibility that more will die due to my distraction and my own failure to keep their best interests in mind.
Those in my world... Their deaths weren't for nothing. I intend to see to it that they weren't, even if it claims my life in the process.
Here, I have no such assurance. It's agitating to me, because I'm left with grief that I have no need for, and yet no reason to dismiss it entirely.
no subject
As Commandant of the Imperial Knights, I'm accountable for all of those who have died under my command. It's always considered my fault - whether because of something I did, or something I failed to do. The blood on my hands is immeasurable, by that metric.
I also don't get to mourn those who have died, because I can't afford it. If I remain so mired in events that I can no longer do anything about, it opens the possibility that more will die due to my distraction and my own failure to keep their best interests in mind.
Those in my world... Their deaths weren't for nothing. I intend to see to it that they weren't, even if it claims my life in the process.
Here, I have no such assurance. It's agitating to me, because I'm left with grief that I have no need for, and yet no reason to dismiss it entirely.